-1-
i think i'm getting meaner.
i know i'm DEFINITELY not any nicer since i started school.
i've noticed that i'm a lot more impatient these days. every little thing that takes from my time has been a serious issue. i used to call myself a considerably patient person. but it seems as though i obsess over every second that i'm not doing something that i either need or want to be doing. it's kind of funny i'm procrastinating by typing about how i'm so concerned about using up my time.
i guess it's hard to explain to someone who's not in medical school. my school especially. i never understood the volume of information that would be packed into my brain in such a short period of time until i got here. and med school tries to fool you into thinking that med school is your only priority. it's like a huge mountain that pushes its way into your life, and grows when you're not looking.

-2-
many of the people that i know here are generally very nice. but for the most part, i have made what i would consider only surface friendships. i know i've only been in school for 4 months out of 4 years total, and a lot of things could change in that time. but i feel like as nice as everyone is, i'm not going to get that many true friends out of the deal. this makes me really sad considering i only have time to see these people; they're who i see from 8:30-5 mon-fri, not to mention the countless extra hours spent at school studying. so i find i have time for them because they are part of my school, yet i don't really have time to be there for the people that i really care about.
and that sucks.
because i wonder if they'll still be there in may 2007.
or if i'll still be the kind of person they want to be around.

-3-
in other news, i noticed that i am being spoken to a lot lately as far as men are concerned. i mean that while engaged in small talk with a male colleague or random person, it seems to be he who asks the questions. i'll say hello, but tend not to really speak unless spoken to. i never was really good at mindless chatter, but i have turned myself off and let other people put their feelers in me. i don't like this and i'm going to try to push myself out of this position.

-4-
who would have thought that i'd actually miss autumn in new england?