so i thought things needed to look a little different 'round here. so i changed the template. i hope i didn't break it. i think the options are pretty ugly, but this is what i have to work with. :/

i'm back from a most refreshing of thanksgiving breaks. apologies to philly friends who i did not manage to see this time around. between lost or non-functioning phone numbers and my own laziness, i missed a lot of folks i'd planned on hangin with. but i actually got a whole lot of school work done, and managed to get in a little bit of window shopping. (does this make me a bad person?) this was the first time had been out of atlanta since july. i realize now that i must leave that city once a month to maintain my sanity. i came back to town yesterday with a fresher perspective on my life.
i'm still grossly in debt but my parents slipped me a few bucks. no matter how "grown" i try to be, it's always nice to receive a parental hand-out. i just may make it until my next loan check comes in january. i mean, shit is realer than real. one of my classmates was telling me that we actually qualify for section 8, and she is getting foodstamps on the regular. people think that becoming a doctor is all money falling out of your pockets; they don't realize the awful road of poverty it takes to get there. so most of the fam understands that presents, if exchanged at all, will be modest. this is me and the boy's first christmas together and we already agreed not to exchange gifts due to our respective financial hardships. i guess we'll have to celebrate all that un-fun stuff like love, peace on the earth and good-will towards men.
oh yeah and jesus' birth. that too.
it was good to see my sister who is making her way through her own personal battle with school. it's funny because when she started, she hated her school almost as much as i hate mine now. and now she's in her third year. she let me copy her bootleg black album. i've always been somewhat of a closet jay-z fan (i guess it was officially okay for me to like him when he did that unplugged jawn. no boho.) so i am enjoying it. (well, most of it. "truth be told i wanna rhyme like common sense..." WTF!?!?) dave was feeling "allure" but "lucifer" is my shit. i guess it's just the devil in me, but i could bump that one all day. i've already come up with a theme and directed the video for the song in my head.
which reminds me.
i'm going into the wrong profession.
okay. i'm not in the wrong profession, but i could definitely go into another profession that is right-er. i'm not going to make any excuses, or throw around blame, but we all know that family has a HUGE impact on what field you enter. or at least for me, anyway. i wonder what my parents would have done if i'd told them i was going to be a film major. or if i told them i was moving to new york to start a magazine with my girls. my parents have always told me that i was an intelligent child, and encouraged me to use my brain. but i'm beginning to realize taht i am not using the parts of my brain that make me happy.
i have this complex that makes me think that i can do everything better than everyone else. after everything is said and done, i think i will make a great doctor. but i think i would make a better something else. the problem is, i don't know exactly what that something else is. so even though it is kicking my ass, med school is, in a way, the easy way out. it's a direct path to a somewhat secure career. everything is laid out for me. do X and you will get Y.
well right now i'm hating X and i don't know if i want Y.
but i feel like everyone my age is going through something like this. tomorrow i'll probably log on and tell you how inspired i am, and my new desire to become an orthapaedic surgeon.
and so it goes.
but to those who were concerned (and thank you for your concern), i am doing a lot better than i had been. i'm finding ways to deal with the things about my life that were making me crazy. and only two weeks until my next break!