yesterday i uttered the words:

"if i had a way to pay back all the money i already owe, and a guaranteed full-time job, i would drop out right now."

and i was met with a room full of silence and blank stares.

i wish i didn't always feel like the odd-ball.

looking at tank's photos makes me want to get the hell up outta here. for a very long time.

anytime i'm doing something that's solid and organized in my life, i always go into a panic state. i feel like i am missing out on life, and what's really real has been passing me by. it sucks because i wanted so badly to be here, and i probably took the place of someone who wanted it even worse than me. and most likely that person would be happier here and doing better now.
i wonder if i'm just really discouraged because school is just that hard. my dad sent me an email telling me to hang in there, and that nothing that's really worth it is ever easy to attain. part of me thinks he's right and i need to (wo)man-up and stop complaining.

but i've never been to nepal.
i've never back-packed across europe.
hell, i've never been to las vegas.

i miss my friends.
i miss my old life.