tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37424932011-04-22T01:11:52.065-04:00make omoide with melet's do the damn thingmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comBlogger1461100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1129390940563410852005-10-15T10:53:00.000-04:002005-10-15T11:50:33.100-04:00well i made it through ob/gyn.barely.needless to say, i don't think that ob/gyn is the specialty for me.as much as i love having all women as patients, and being an advocate for women's health issues, i realized that the actual career of ob/gyn might send me to an early grave.(if med school itself doesn't off me first.)so now i'm on surgery. anyone who knows about med school knows that ob and mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1123968880994322732005-08-13T16:45:00.000-04:002005-08-13T17:34:41.000-04:00my first abortion.no, don't panic. it wasn't me that had one.but a few days ago i witnessed my first abortion.those that know me well knows that i am adamantly pro-choice. i'm not going to write a dissertation here about my views. and i'm not going to be too simple on a complex issue. but i will say that i believe NO ONE (and especially not a man) should be able to force a woman to do (or notmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1123007890484693302005-08-02T13:46:00.000-04:002005-08-02T14:38:10.493-04:00betchall thought i was gone.(don't call it a comeback...)so.just for those who care, i passed step 1. and i actually had some cushioning between my score and the "pass."hallelujah.what does that mean?rotations.in the hospital.i am in the midst of my first one: ob/gyn. we started yesterday, and i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING."i hope none of your grandmothers die during this rotation..."mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1108617058418835842005-02-16T23:48:00.000-05:002005-02-17T00:14:59.523-05:00here's the thing.i need to really get over myself.like.yesterday.yes i'm still here. i'm still thinking and obsessing and living and doing all the things that i've always done, minus, of course, blogging.these days i don't know what to write about.someone asked me not too long ago how med school has changed me. i gave him the short answer- a random list of personality traits i now carry along mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1107271377334986122005-02-01T10:22:00.000-05:002005-02-01T10:22:57.333-05:00sometimes it's hard to say something without saying it all.
and when there's no time to say it all, it's better not to say anything.
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1101526237139147322004-11-26T22:08:00.000-05:002004-11-26T22:30:37.140-05:00i'm pulling my hair again.
do i have trich?
man i don't fucking know.
but i guess i will by the time we get through psychological disorders... so i'll ask myself again in april.
maybe i'm just obsessesed with the natural texture of my hair.
i never pulled it when i had a relaxer. hmmmm.
my mom just asked someone on the phone "are you high?"
this can't be right.
i'm at my parents' house for mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1101235394295767262004-11-23T13:38:00.000-05:002004-11-23T13:43:14.296-05:00it didn't work.
64%.
oh well.
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1100715201090330752004-11-17T13:06:00.000-05:002004-11-17T13:13:21.090-05:00and i was doing so well...
last week i made it up to 2.03 mi on the treadmill.
this week my feet have yet to see that beautiful black rotating rubber surface.
and i have fallen in love with this fantastic new disgustingly fattening ice cream. it was the first time i'd bought ice cream in months.
and then the boy bought me a slice of red velvet cake to celebrate me not failing my pharmacology mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1099598695921794192004-11-04T15:03:00.000-05:002004-11-04T15:04:55.920-05:00i know i keep fucking it up around here... i'll get it right someday i hope.
happy birthday, quixotic.
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1099590799485042472004-11-04T13:48:00.000-05:002004-11-04T12:53:19.486-05:00it's that time of year again.
to those of you who don't pay attention, or simply don't remember, i am in medical school. around this time last year i was completely fed up with all the people in my class. in case you didn't know, med school is filled with a bunch of people who are overachievers, and have been that way for the majority of their lives. most of the people here are bright and mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1096830293279735072004-10-03T15:02:00.000-04:002004-10-03T15:04:53.280-04:00the question on your minds may be where have i been.
or maybe not.
but i'm here now.
hi there.
yeah i made it to my second year. and i had been so busy "makin it" that i didn't have time to make it over here. what a lame-o excuse i guess. you know i had an amazing summer. a super wonderful fantastic experience like no other. i will try and briefly describe what i did. hopefully i'll write mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1095017867463693972004-09-12T15:37:00.000-04:002004-09-12T15:37:47.463-04:00i don't know what i did here.
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1090556663645740192004-07-23T00:21:00.000-04:002004-07-23T00:24:23.646-04:00so i made it to may 17th.
i made it to july 17th, even.
i want to apologize for my gross negligence of this blog (if anyone cares). this has been the summer. i've been trying to come back to this page, thinking about just what is the right thing to say, and the right way to say it about all of my experiences.
i don't know where to begin, and i don't want it to end.
i've learned so much aboutmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1084199145711949502004-05-10T10:24:00.000-04:002004-05-10T10:25:45.713-04:00an exams prayer:
god, grant me the patience, sleep, mental capacity and intestinal fortitude to make it to may 17th.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1083615584292274852004-05-03T16:19:00.000-04:002004-05-03T16:23:46.186-04:00maybe the hardest thing about my life these days is my ultimate inability to just be still.
be still.
shit, i do believe that i spent a good 17 years with those two words from my mother's mouth echoing in my cranium. as i type, i can still hear her saying them now. from hundreds of miles away.
that's the problem with me, see. i don't think i can ever be still.
don't get me wrong, i do a mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1083244999683398672004-04-29T09:23:00.000-04:002004-04-29T09:27:29.826-04:00no, the last post wasn't the end.
what can i say, chilluns? i haven't been leading much of a life. the last most exciting thing to happen to me was, in fact, going to the dentist and getting my pearly whites polished to a shine. the dentist also gave (well not so much gave as sold) me a mouth guard thingie to protect those bad boys because i grind my teeth so hard in my sleep. i would have mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1080024028045921012004-03-23T01:40:00.000-05:002004-03-23T01:43:48.810-05:00psst...
i'm very sexy and so are my teeth.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1077656832101678542004-02-24T16:07:00.000-05:002004-02-24T16:59:54.890-05:00waaaaaaaaaaade in the water, children...
add flood damage to the list of expenses that are mounting up in my life...mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1077168873267596012004-02-19T00:34:00.000-05:002004-02-19T00:37:10.310-05:00just add medical school to the list of "things that will make you need a therapist."
you know, when you're learning about your body and what it does and why it does what it does and how it does it or doesn't do it you're more inclined to hash and rehash over every little crumb of every morsel of your life.
why do you think i call the place "gross dissection?"
hey guys.
so what's new with me? mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1076976312163107282004-02-16T19:05:00.000-05:002004-02-16T19:09:51.610-05:00You are Frida Kahlo! You are an artistic,passionate, vulnerable person, with openlybisexual tendancies and were the first womyn tohave her own gallery show in Mexico. You sleptwith ... Trotsky?
Which Western feminist icon are you? brought to you by Quizilla
does this surprise ANYONE?
(bisexual tendencies...oh really?)mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-107587614188208182004-02-04T01:29:00.000-05:002004-02-04T01:32:10.186-05:00this is very, very wrong.
hey folks.
why is it that i get so ENERGIZED at frickin 1am in the damn morning?!?
i just want to be up and do all kinds of crazy things...then i can't go to sleep until it's just late enough to make me drag through the next day.
and the cycle continues on.
so much to talk about. i'm counting on koku to give a run-down on her thoughts about the titty™ because mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1075270757767135992004-01-28T01:19:00.000-05:002004-01-28T01:21:25.890-05:00i don't wanna write this down...i just wanna tell you how i feel right now...mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1074836588201690732004-01-23T00:43:00.000-05:002004-01-23T00:45:09.513-05:00there seems to be some complaining about my recent bloggage.
feck the haters, yo.
i'm a copycat (nice new design, btw)... so here is something to hold you over until the next MEANINGFUL blog entry (whatever that's supposed to mean)
survey:
1. What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
cohen. (and no he was not jewish. not that there's anything wrong with me losing my mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1074574768689509572004-01-19T23:59:00.000-05:002004-01-20T00:01:25.590-05:00it's been a while, and i apologize for my inconsistency in updating this thing.
i passed biochem.
go me.
that means that i am likely to go on a medical mission this summer. hopefully to cuba. more on that later.
- i realized that i know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about the american democratic process. maybe that's how bush won in the first place. i know i voted for gore, but i'm not sure how my mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1073345857122365412004-01-05T18:37:00.000-05:002004-01-05T18:41:52.670-05:00we need a resolution. well that's what they say, anyway.
i went out for new year's eve for the first time ever. dinner and a club. me and the boy should have rang (ringed? rung? ugh, grammar) in the new year by sitting in my apartment and rubbing together the respective nickels we each have to our name. because although it was nice to get out, but it really wasn't that exciting. at least i mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1072159612005632682003-12-23T01:06:00.000-05:002003-12-23T01:08:12.856-05:00i have come to the realization that, at some point, i hate everyone and everything in my life.
and i'm sorry when i happen to you.
tis the season!mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1071425065582094902003-12-14T13:04:00.000-05:002003-12-14T13:07:05.186-05:00yesterday i uttered the words:
"if i had a way to pay back all the money i already owe, and a guaranteed full-time job, i would drop out right now."
and i was met with a room full of silence and blank stares.
i wish i didn't always feel like the odd-ball.
looking at tank's photos makes me want to get the hell up outta here. for a very long time.
anytime i'm doing something that's solid mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1071016394481242172003-12-09T19:33:00.000-05:002003-12-09T19:34:17.496-05:00are these ugly?
i still want them.
exam time.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1070324894845011872003-12-01T19:28:00.000-05:002003-12-01T19:29:07.450-05:00so i thought things needed to look a little different 'round here. so i changed the template. i hope i didn't break it. i think the options are pretty ugly, but this is what i have to work with. :/
i'm back from a most refreshing of thanksgiving breaks. apologies to philly friends who i did not manage to see this time around. between lost or non-functioning phone numbers and my own lazinessmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1069712250375286132003-11-24T17:17:00.000-05:002003-11-24T17:18:13.826-05:00i'm a-goin' home.
tomorrow afternoon i'm flyin back to the 215 for a (hopefully) uneventful thanksgiving holiday.
i need the break.
i need some time to get my mind together. there's so much that happens to me on a daily basis, yet i never have time to sit down and reflect. hmmm. when i say "so much" i don't mean monumental life-changing events; but more like little interactions or comments mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1068082746415904092003-11-05T20:39:00.000-05:002003-11-05T20:39:23.983-05:00-1-
i think i'm getting meaner.
i know i'm DEFINITELY not any nicer since i started school.
i've noticed that i'm a lot more impatient these days. every little thing that takes from my time has been a serious issue. i used to call myself a considerably patient person. but it seems as though i obsess over every second that i'm not doing something that i either need or want to be doing. it's mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1067468113749576412003-10-29T17:55:00.000-05:002003-10-29T17:55:20.796-05:00from today's dissection instructions:
"Stabilize the anal canal by inserting a tampon, along with its plastic insertion tube, into the anal canal. Be careful: Do not force the tampon, especially if you have determined the rectum and anal canal to be impacted with feces. Lubricate the tampon with vaseline if necessary. Do not remove the plastic insertion tube. This procedure should rigidify mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1066839029329442352003-10-22T12:10:00.000-04:002003-10-22T12:10:29.376-04:00i'm kind of miserable.
(kind of is an understatement)
i need to stop being mad and annoyed at people and life.
things really aren't that bad
i command you to love this song.
there is a song called "wind" that i heard on the radio not too long ago. i didn't understand what the dj said, but it sounded like she said the artist's name was celia brazilia or something like that.
punch and pie to mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1064874718298667072003-09-29T18:31:00.000-04:002003-09-29T18:31:58.050-04:00school stinks.
literally. it stinks. thanks to medical school i have the pleasure of hacking away at the body of a man who died almost six months ago. whatever is being used to keep him "fresh" (and that is a relative term) is not doing its job. there's a nasty grey film developing all over his body and the tank that holds him. yech.
he smells bad.
we're all up in his peritoneal cavity mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1063577223200871062003-09-14T18:07:00.000-04:002003-09-14T18:07:03.183-04:00school sucks.
i don't even know where to begin or end to describe just how much it sucks, and contiues to suck until all suckage has sucked.
my exams are next week. i have been on a weekend studying binge; basically living at school, trying to pick out all kinds of different odds and ends to put together some body of knowledge that will be on the exam. ask any med student- it's not the mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1062714665355388062003-09-04T18:31:00.000-04:002003-09-04T18:32:11.756-04:00i am very tired.
i don't know if i can stress that enough. last night i kept waking up at various times during the night, each time filled with joy because it had not yet turned to 6:30 and i had that much more time to sleep.
i tried to go off of coffee for two days and am failing miserably. you know that in-class sleep where you roll your head around and your eyes flutter themselves just mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1060919287870283262003-08-14T23:48:00.000-04:002003-08-14T23:52:35.936-04:00i remember this place.
kindly excuse my gross negligence of my dear, darling blog.
medical school has my balls in a vice grip. thank god i don't have balls.
where to begin?
there's so much to say about what i've been going through. i just finished my first month, and first testing block. i only have grades from one class, and i passed... but we'll just leave it at that.
i'm trying not to mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1058394401351951842003-07-16T18:26:00.000-04:002003-07-16T18:26:41.283-04:00i have a dial tone.
go me.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1058311768909903362003-07-15T19:29:00.000-04:002003-07-16T18:25:09.283-04:00med school is hard.
i'm broke.
please send me something.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-1058203913294267212003-07-14T13:31:00.000-04:002003-07-16T18:26:22.200-04:00Where has she been?
What has she been doing?
Well, if you didn’t figure it out by now, I did not follow in the footsteps of my she-ro and go on to win “America’s Next Top Model” (sorry). Instead, I’m toughing in out at med school. About a week ago I stuffed all my things into two cars and headed south.
Things are interesting here (to say the least).
Torrential downpour greeted me and my mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-958096682003-06-18T20:36:00.000-04:002003-06-18T20:36:04.190-04:00oh yeah, and
this woman
is my idol.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-958095932003-06-18T20:32:00.000-04:002003-06-18T20:33:16.000-04:00am i wrong because i want to see both charlie's angels and legally blonde sequels?
what's happening to me?!?mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-954317622003-06-08T14:55:00.000-04:002003-06-08T14:55:52.460-04:00okay. i'm going to put it to you like this.
ever since i was a kid, i've talked with this nasal ass voice. almost every year the pediatrician would check off "sinusitis" on my check-up form, without giving me any kind of explanation. i'm not really conscious of it, but whenever i'm relaxed, my mouth is just a little bit open, probably because i can't breathe the way i want through my nose.
i mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-949247962003-05-27T00:10:00.000-04:002003-05-27T00:10:17.550-04:00hi. i'm going to make this very easy for you.
buy.
buy.
buy.
buy.
buy.
thank you.
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-948347782003-05-24T14:35:00.000-04:002003-05-24T14:36:59.000-04:00what THEEEE fuck?
there is no ikea in georgia!??!
how in the hell do these southern-fried fucks furnish their abodes!??!
panic time! agggghhh!!! i NEED the cheap sweedish furniture.
badly.
help!
so last night i did that poetry reading. it went well, i guess, condsidering that my audience consisted of four, one of which was my sister. they said they liked it. my sister particularly mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-945588142003-05-18T22:12:00.000-04:002003-05-18T22:24:02.000-04:00i am so fucking tired.
i don't live in new york. this is what i've had to tell myself over the past 5 days. not that i have a desire to live in that nasty city or anything, but my body is confused as to where it is supposed to be. lately i am here, there and in between.
i have been trying to tell myself to get serious about moving to atlanta. (now would be a good time to find an apt, don't mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-944675002003-05-16T16:07:00.000-04:002003-05-16T16:07:14.466-04:00hey remember back when i said i'd write about social psychology?
well i still am not going to do so. this is why i seldom make promises because i find them very hard to keep. my real reason for not writing is because i can't find my textbook. but since i am about to go away to school, i am in the process of sorting through all my things at my parents' house. perhaps i will find the book then.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-940814082003-05-09T20:27:00.000-04:002003-05-09T20:27:13.710-04:00hey guys.
not too much to say.
i'm still trying to make a decision.
buy this.
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-936657582003-05-02T14:45:00.000-04:002003-05-02T14:45:33.940-04:00time to explode.
oh YES.
it's time to explode. you ever have one of those days where you are extended and stretched to all of the places you can get into?
i'm like.
uneasy, and shit.
first of all i finally caved and told the lovely cello mamma that i would read some of my work at one of her in-house gatherings.
good lord.
i have a month to turn crap into poetry.
but jesus turned water into mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-933608192003-04-27T17:56:00.000-04:002003-04-27T17:56:51.000-04:00more about me:
i'm quizzing my way to self-discovery.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-932721512003-04-25T21:15:00.000-04:002003-04-25T21:21:03.000-04:00i couldn't make this stuff up.
this is a slice of my childhood
the other day we had our bathroom re-done, and my dad found this list hidden behind some stuff at the back of the bathroom closet. i remember being about thirteen years old and furiously stashing it away, hoping it would be forgotten. who knew it wouldn't been seen for another decade.
yes, i said i was thirteen when my mother mademehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-930279732003-04-22T01:03:00.000-04:002003-04-22T01:04:10.000-04:00this just in:
oh word?mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-927596862003-04-17T00:44:00.000-04:002003-04-17T00:44:02.530-04:00i will write about social psych soon. i promise.
until then...
right now, i need:
a haircut
sex
peace of mind
to know where i'm going to be in FUCKING SCHOOL next year
to talk to my best friend
new lenses for my old frames
ben harper's newest cd
sex
my own shit
to stop eating so many carbs
sex
a bitchin pair of fancy shmancy shoes
to get serious about something other than my cd collection
an mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-923389942003-04-10T00:36:00.000-04:002003-04-10T00:36:25.966-04:00apology in advance: my wrists are KILLING me (arthritis at 23? hello internet generation...) so this won't be nearly as long as i'd like.
so i'm driving to work today, and i see all these kids coming home from school. i see couples of 6th grade age sharing umbrellas, holding hands, laughing and smiling. i almost get into an accident because i'm so busy staring and smiling at the beauty of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-917202102003-03-31T12:51:00.000-05:002003-03-31T12:55:24.000-05:00i'm gonna lay down my sword and shield
down by the riverside
down by the riverside
down by the riverside
i'm gonna lay down my sword and shield
down by the riverside
i ain't gonna study war no more...
did your grandmother sing that song? mine did. somewhere between the flapping of funeral home fans and feathery church hats, my grandmother would sing, no, excuse me, SANG that song. swaying to mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-915327762003-03-28T02:23:00.000-05:002003-03-28T02:23:27.090-05:00and i can't get this song out of my head...
Look at the stars,
look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow
I came along,
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called 'yellow'
So then I took my turn,
oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow
Your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
You know, you mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-914660682003-03-27T02:21:00.000-05:002003-03-27T02:21:10.890-05:00things that bring me joy part deux:
drinking a gin and tonic with minty gum in my mouth
random inspiration
"more than this" by norah jones feat charlie hunter
the new book club selection
sending and receiving snail mail
lincoln drive. alone. 2am. 85 mph.
seeing people i really care about
coldplay's "yellow"
"mahal kita"
cute boys
free drinks
when people write me songs
a greater balance in my mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-911917652003-03-22T15:08:00.000-05:002003-03-22T15:14:55.000-05:00i
always
feel
like
somebody's
watching
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
o
o
o ---------------------------------------------------------->
anyways good morning. yes, i am aware that it is 3pm and that is my morning. i don't know why i sleep so much. i sleep ALL the time, even when i'm not really tired, and when i wake up i feel really sick. for a minute i thought that an incubus had gotten me mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-911319252003-03-21T11:51:00.000-05:002003-03-21T11:53:02.000-05:00thanks to tank and my ultimate obsession with what is being said about myself, i couldn't resist posting my googlism results. my favs are in bold:
kaya is looking for writers
kaya is the hottest club in the atl
kaya is the name for coconut jam
kaya is part of the big burrito group that also owns the mad mex establishments
kaya is commonly known as high
kaya is a unique northwest construction mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-911308212003-03-21T11:31:00.000-05:002003-03-21T11:31:43.763-05:00much to talk about.
little time and/or space to do it.
today i told a great big lie. yeah it was a whopper. thanks to my baptist upbringing, i feel bad for lying. but at the same time i feel so relieved as an outcome of the lie. in fact, i feel almost jubilant. so there's the part of me that says if the great feeling from the lie outweighs the actual lie, it's okay with the universe.
but mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-909722332003-03-19T00:07:00.000-05:002003-03-21T11:02:39.000-05:00lately i've been feeling rather, um, "carey-ish" (minus the huge jugs of course)
*grabs hairbrush and screams "through the rain" at top of my lungs*
i've been blogging less and doing real writing more. who knows if that's a good or bad thing.
and i've been thinking of buying a viola of my very own.
bringin it back to the old school...
(i promise the next entry will be better.)
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-908134132003-03-16T14:18:00.000-05:002003-03-16T14:18:23.686-05:00i remember every crazy crush i've ever had. all those times when i was with a guy and so into him that i spent so much time thinking about what i was doing. i watched what i said and how i said it. i stood, sat and walked a certain way. i tried to act "cool." i was constantly thinking of how i could be in that moment just so that he would like me. i was so busy thinking about how to be who mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-906556942003-03-13T12:25:00.000-05:002003-03-13T12:25:52.936-05:00tis mah birfday.
i'm in a pretty good mood today. (even though my car officially died yesterday. like sputtered its way into the other world right before the tacony palmyra bridge. go into the liiiiiiiiiiiight!) although i have been going severely backwards mentally, today i'm going to make an effort to act a little grown-er. maybe i'll do a crossword puzzle or something.
yeah.
that's itmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-905704672003-03-12T00:47:00.000-05:002003-03-12T00:47:51.966-05:00i can't get the song sk8r boi out of my head.
it bothers me that i like a song with numbers in it sounding like words.
it bothers me that i like any song by avril.
considering that we are about a half hour into march 12th, i am about a day away from 23. i feel bad about this because i am mentally going backwards. but not much on that now, as i will do a birthday blog tomorrers...
in case youmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-901452362003-03-04T20:07:00.000-05:002003-03-04T20:07:03.920-05:00on saturday, talib kweli signed my cd.
he wrote "yes sis."
that was his secret answer to the telepathic question i was asking him:
"talib kweli, would you like to run off into the wilderness of brooklyn and discuss politics, write songs together, both get this tattooed on our spines, and then you can have my intellectual hip hopical book readinest freestylin babies?"
his obvious answer was:
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-899328122003-02-28T20:52:00.000-05:002003-03-04T20:17:00.000-05:00oh my.
apologies to those who follow my little blog...times have been weird and i haven't felt like writing much.
so i just got back from another interview. i am thinking i'm going to write an article about the whole process for my friend's website. because this continues to be ridiculous story. hopefully i will be able to look back (with an md behind my name) and laugh at it all.
so i was mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-892713082003-02-17T19:23:00.000-05:002003-02-17T19:33:30.000-05:00no one ever told me about the gender-influenced social implications of snow-shovelling in a predominantly black suburban neighborhood.
today i went outside to help my father shovel snow. considering i haven't left the house in DAYS i figured it would be a good way for me to get some fresh air. and not kill myself from craziness.
so i'm outside with my dad. and the guy next door has a snow mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-891956712003-02-16T13:55:00.000-05:002003-02-16T14:03:03.000-05:00a haiku:
how am i, really?
think nicholson - "the shining"
winter MUST END NOWmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-891730402003-02-15T23:55:00.000-05:002003-02-15T23:57:03.000-05:00i should be at his house right now.
instead i am eating chocolate and watching the purple rain dvd i bought myself as a valentine's present.
broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
dude, i SO need to get over him.
(or mabye we could both just grow the fuckmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-888102142003-02-09T15:05:00.000-05:002003-02-09T15:22:45.000-05:00every now and then, i come to these little points in my life where i realize that i'm growing up.
yesterday was one of those times. i was riding in the car with my mother. it seemed like out of nowhere, i had become the parent and she the child. since i'd bought my own car a couple years ago, i hadn't really spent much time as the passenger when my mother was driving. i kind of forgot what mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-886666812003-02-06T16:03:00.000-05:002003-02-06T16:05:33.000-05:00growing up we were always together.
my fondest memories of you were all those car trips. as best as i can remember, you came with the family on each and every one. the ten hour drives to grandma's house would have been unbearable without you. you cultivated my dreams as we sang songs. i learned all of the melodies, harmonies and back-up parts. i always thought that someday i'd be just like mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-885454392003-02-04T14:32:00.000-05:002003-02-06T15:48:31.000-05:00okay, first of all who in the hell is this woman?
"...I must say Kaya and the band really knocked my fucking socks off. This girl can belt out a rock and roll tune...Kaya Jones was loud and in your face...Kaya was all over the place singing smack dab in your face."
i mean, damn can we switch places?mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-885006552003-02-03T19:26:00.000-05:002003-02-03T19:26:55.606-05:00um.
hello.
i think that this is my home. first new york, then atlanta and now i'm here and i think this is where i usually live. the computer doesn't even look the same. there's a whole new operating system on here...and whoever upgraded it managed to also lose some of the creative type stuff i was writing. i'm kind of pissed but more confused than anything.
atlanta was great. koku is mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-881938862003-01-28T22:24:00.000-05:002003-01-28T22:24:38.353-05:00okay so after seeing gabe on that one episode, i promised myself i wouldn't watch the real world anymore this season.
and today i sneaked a peek.
damn.
sorry man, i'm feeling for you.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-881709452003-01-28T14:43:00.000-05:002003-01-28T14:48:48.000-05:00whew.
it's been a whirlwind last couple of days...and that is about to continue in a minute...
but now i have this lil bit of time to stop and check in.
new york city becomes less and less annoying each time i visit. it's really starting to grow on me and i don't "hate" it like i used to...
everyone there is beautiful. i mean, well, not everyone but there are a lot of good looking people in mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-878833772003-01-23T00:22:00.000-05:002003-01-23T00:22:56.223-05:00so i was having this dream that i was sitting on a dock in the lap of jason mraz and he had his guitar and was singing a song about me, right in my ear...twas lovely. he kept singing my name over and over again, and the ocean was so pretty...
and then i woke up to my father yelling at me about my insurance.
i was laid off on jan 3rd.
my job cancelled my insurance as of jan 1st.
is this legal?
mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-877347102003-01-20T12:03:00.000-05:002003-01-20T16:29:29.000-05:00i guess it's time to talk about the actual lay-off.
i'm the type of person that cannot stand to be wronged. whenever something bad happens to me- some kind of injustice or whatever, it eats away at me until i feel like i have been able to do something about it. i've been having dreams about my old job. i feel some sort of unrest.
i don't know if it's the brat in me, who just doesn't believemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-876626922003-01-18T22:04:00.000-05:002003-01-18T22:08:47.000-05:00i am proud to say that i did a google search for "i hate kaya" and this very blog was the first site to come up.
how marvellous!
so, tell me. do i exist?
i was thinking about this the other day...and how our society is so centered around what people do for a living. most adults will say that they spend more hours of their current lives at work than with their spouses. that's kind of mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-876313972003-01-18T03:10:00.000-05:002003-01-18T21:48:48.000-05:00RIP simmon. i hope that you finally found peace somewhere.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-875444642003-01-16T13:24:00.000-05:002003-01-16T13:24:41.303-05:00i am really becoming a master sloth.
master sloths eat a lot of cereal and spend a lot of time online. master sloths squint their eyes when (if?) they go outside because their eyes have become unaccustomed to daylight. master sloths tend to not wear clothing with zippers or buttons. master sloths only get out of bed because
1. they have to pee
2. they want to check their email
3. they're mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-874640322003-01-15T02:13:00.000-05:002003-01-15T02:13:50.336-05:00you know.
i started to write this whole long thing about the death penalty and why i'm against it, and how i think it's so sad that we are so blood-thirsty...but then i decided that it wasn't really "me" today. i still believe what i wrote, and maybe i'll re-post it, but i mean, today i am just...yeah. i need to ramble. again.
the dumbing down of me has also prevented any serious thought mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-873796082003-01-13T19:18:00.000-05:002003-01-13T19:18:17.566-05:00the wonderful thing about diggers...
is that diggers are wonderful things!
my girl fifi's man is named digger.
this makes me laugh.
i think he may be originally british, like her glamourous ass, which would explain a lot, but it's still funny.
i think it's even funnier that she has a boyfriend. i am starting to wonder if we are growing backwards.
my sister went back to college yesterday. mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-873174652003-01-12T15:46:00.000-05:002003-01-12T18:54:00.000-05:00who knows what i'm doing here.
i'm trying and learning and hopefully i will make this blog something not terrible and understand how it got that way.
that would be nice.
yay for me! i have two more interviews scheduled by the end of the month! an acceptance would be nice but i guess it's still early in the game?
this whole not having a job thing is working out better than i thought. i mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-871555182003-01-09T02:43:00.000-05:002003-01-09T02:47:32.000-05:00i have a massive headache.
yes.
why is it that i am on some 2:30am on a weeknight inna-net ish? because my sleep-wake cycle has been completely jolted due to no work. i have been laid off.
i should wear a sticker on my head that says LAID OFF. i don't really want to get into it right now, because the situation sucks. but at least i can collect unemployment. hurray for america!
blockbuster mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-869950262003-01-06T01:27:00.000-05:002003-01-06T01:36:45.000-05:00"being good isn't always easy. no matter how hard i try..." (c) dusty springfield
funny thing is, i don't really try that hard.
things are happening, dear ones. lots. is it still the year of the horse? definitely feels like it. i will write a real entry soon.
i keep messing with my template and losing stuff. sorry about that.
¡feliz dia de los tres reyes!mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-868608932003-01-02T23:33:00.000-05:002003-01-02T23:38:11.000-05:00score!
i have just successfully completed my application to morehouse school of medicine. nevermind that the deadline is january 3rd and it is now 11:25pm on january 2nd.
i've only had like 4 months to do 2 hours worth of work.
aye me. it's like i even surprise myself with my procrastination.
it's weird though because i know the 'house ain't my first choice. maybe that's why it took me so longmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-867702482002-12-31T21:06:00.000-05:002002-12-31T21:07:26.000-05:00my fortune tonight says "your self-confidence shines and makes a great impression on others."
well i damn sure hope that actually comes true.
happy 2003, y'all.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-867180072002-12-30T19:18:00.000-05:002002-12-31T21:05:41.000-05:00we shake our heads when we find out that someone is in an abusive relationship. we tell them to get out. we sigh when they go back to their abusers.
we know nothing good will come out of it.
but it's always a lot deeper when it's someone you know.
jesus.
rest in peace.
look out for your loved ones. get them out of bad situations before it's too late.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-866395342002-12-28T19:00:00.000-05:002002-12-28T20:35:49.000-05:00fear is a terrible thing.
it's one of those unavoidable human emotions that affects everyone at one time.
the very thought of fear is scary; no one can avoid it and you never know when it's going to sneak up on you.
fear affects how we look at the world, and DEFINITELY influences how we treat one another. fear can turn you into a liar or make you a pessimist. fear can help you get your raggedy mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-866097972002-12-27T21:51:00.000-05:002002-12-28T19:02:00.000-05:00 have a lot of suspicions about how i enter the new year.
i don't like jan 1 to come without me having paid every bill i need to pay, given every gift, and sent every letter. i try to enter the new year as clutter-free as possible. i guess that is the one way i can keep my pigpen lifestyle from catching up with me. if i didn't do this i'd be decades into debt and backed up with junk. and i'mmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-864162312002-12-22T21:16:00.000-05:002002-12-22T21:16:48.000-05:00so here's a real bloggy blog entry.
in case you hadn't noticed, i have quite an obsessive personality. obsessive-compulsive, even.
there are thoughts and actions that i just can't shake from myself. i remember being a kid and having all these ideas that would come to me at night. and i couldn't get to sleep for hours because i was hatching a plot on how i would win the science fair. or mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-863987982002-12-22T11:24:00.000-05:002002-12-22T12:08:47.000-05:00pet peeves:
a house that smells like bacon
when that little flippy thing breaks off your flip flops and renders them useless
biting your tongue
watching 2 hours straight of mtv and not seeing an actual music video or show about music
avril lavigne
when you see someone with whom you used to canoodle, and they look appetizingly palatable
putting your drawstring pants through the wash, and then mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-861438342002-12-16T21:39:00.000-05:002002-12-16T21:39:43.966-05:00thank god i fixed my blog.
actually i didn't fix it- somehow it managed to fix itself. i still can't find my entry with the stolen lyrics to "crazy baby" by joan osbourne. that was for someone and i'm hoping she read it because if she did she'd know it was for her.
whew.
so. boston was a whirlwind. i'm beginning to realize my problems with money and friends. i hung out with my girl who mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-859539142002-12-13T12:39:00.000-05:002002-12-15T22:53:20.000-05:00i can remember those holiday newsletters from my childhood.
did anyone else get them?
some random cousin would send out this little yearly update printed on red paper, stuffed in the christmas card with a new picture of the family and the brand new puppy sitting under the christmas tree. it talked about what the kids were doing in school. what trips they took that summer. what new hobbies mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-858657302002-12-11T19:35:00.000-05:002002-12-11T19:55:22.000-05:00i'm cryin' everyone's tears...
worry, worry, worry.
i'm worrying about everybody.
i think worry is the worst emotion in the world. it's the most useless emotion i can think of. nothing good has ever come out of my own worrying. i worry about all my friends more than i need to.
i worry about myself. what i did do, what i didn't do, whose feelings i hurt, who hurt mine and why i feel the way mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-858221452002-12-10T23:56:00.000-05:002002-12-10T23:59:45.000-05:00i sank so much friggin money into my car today.
two and a half weeks worth of work to pay for parts and labor..
i'm kind of pissed.
it still smells.
doesn't help that i just got these spankin new brakes and almost careened into an intersection sliding on the icy unplowed suburban streets. maybe if i didn't have the new brakes i would have actually gotten into an accident.
it's the little mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-857605062002-12-09T21:46:00.000-05:002002-12-09T21:46:15.026-05:00my interview went well. i am feeling quite medical. it's about fucking time!
the date went well. i am feeling quite dateable. it's about fucking time!
in actuality, i am just a big spaz. a spaz and a half. there are all these things crawling around underneath my skin and in my head and around my toes and i need to take hold of myself and stop and SHAKE it out.
whatever IT is.
crap.
i mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-856943882002-12-08T17:12:00.000-05:002002-12-11T00:00:48.000-05:00so i'm looking for mindless tv to watch somewhere in between the gravity games replay and eagles vs seahawks.
i click to mtv.
now, usually i avoid the real world, as watching people argue over stupid shit gives me a gargantuan headache. however, i hadn't seen a single episode of this season, so i thought i'd check the kids out.
i'm half watching, half twisting my hair and i keep hearing them talkmehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-856886082002-12-08T14:32:00.000-05:002002-12-08T14:33:41.000-05:00a haiku:
oh great holy lord
the gravity games are on
i am so in lovemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742493.post-856443502002-12-07T12:26:00.000-05:002002-12-07T12:26:43.960-05:00i really have to get my christmas shopping done. it's my goal to have everybody covered and not forgotten and not be waiting until the last minute. this year i will try my darndest not to buy that jlo-style velour suit. because next year velour will be tacky. maybe it's tacky this year too but i have a small mind for such things. and i am so not jenny from the block. but in these cold mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399343931275987341noreply@blogger.com